mom: you haven't moved since I left the house 6 hours ago
me: excuse me where do you think these chips came from
celeryandhummus: our kids will probably attend a middle school dance where the theme is the 2010’s they’ll wear leggings with ugg boots and twerk to “call me maybe”
darrynek: i threw a party once. threw it really far. like 200 feet
alltimeangela: why does leonardo dicaprio always end up dead in the water with no girlfriend
it pisses me off when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn’t follow the damn script
hipsterinatardis: Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you’re in.
lea-michele: this is quite literally the best picture of cory and lea i have ever seen are they watching a hockey game or season 4 of glee nobody can say for sure